Gregoire Alessandrini was a student in Greenwich Village in the ’90’s. I was too, but this guy actually did something with his time. He has posted these and so many more on his blog. I spent all day staring at these gems. He was everywhere. We must have passed each other because I have a picture of the same person from Wigstock ’93. There are so many memories here.

Have you ever had a tantrum over the closing of a restaurant?

My fat ass threw the mother of all fits when some killjoy told it that florent got bullied out of its lease at 69 Gansevoort Street. Some filthy animal wanted 30 G’s a month to keep the beauty alive.

Revolting.

My answer to this absolute blasphemy was to give the Meat Packing district, in its entirety, the HAND. I refused to grace its greedy blood soaked cobblestones with my adorable adidas EVER again.

(…until about six weeks later when some trick with significant shoulders offered to buy me a black and blue double porterhouse coupled with a bottomless Diet Coke.)

Guys! it was totally Field of Dreams. But so much more watchable.

Imagine:

The cornfield is a neglected parcel of lower Manhattan. Kevin Costner’s almost-as-boring-as-a-baseball-game character is, instead, played by a colorful Frenchman called Florent Morellet. Shoeless Joe Jackson comes, indeed… but he comes to 69 Gansevoort Street, and that barefoot bitch stays for nearly 23 years… in the form of the pinpoint perfect clientele. If every restauranteur could be so lucky; edgy celebrities, drunk drag queens, transgender prostitutes, and a hodge podge of insatiable late night lunatics.

…and the child that chokes herself unconscious on a hot dog?

…that’s my twentysomething ass.

Interpret that as you will, and let your sick mind meander… my floriend.

Someone handed Richard Sandler a Leica in ’77 and blessed us with this flawlessness. He believes everything can be seen on the streets. He believes filming is easier than still photography.

Sandler believes cellular phones have robbed the photographer of their subjects, “There is nothing more boring, nothing more nondescript and vacant than a person on a cell phone walking down the street. They seem to be out of the game. People are walking around in bubbles.”

Technology suffocates the mess. The mistakes are in the mess and the beauty is in the mistakes.

bitten funfetti twinkie funfetti twinkie

:: FUNFETTI TWINKIES ::
makes 18-22 oblong cakes
base cake recipe adapted from King Arthur Flour

Note: This recipe uses a cream canoe pan but can easily be turned into cupcakes. You just need to increase the baking time. For regular Twinkies, eliminate the sprinkles from the cake and the filling.

240g (2 cups) cake flour
300g (1 1/2 cups) granulated sugar
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1/2 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup cold water
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. butter flavoring
7 eggs, separated
1/2 cup rainbow jimmies
Marshmallow Cream Filling (recipe below)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a cream canoe pan and set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt on low (2 on a KitchenAid) speed until combined. In a medium bowl, lightly mix oil, water, vanilla, butter flavoring, and egg yolks (the mixture will not completely come together, that’s ok). With the mixer on low, add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix until smooth.

In a separate bowl, whip egg whites until stiff. Fold the whites into the batter in thirds until no streaks remain. Add the jimmies to the batter along with the last third of whites, folding in the same manner.  Do not over-mix.

Using a pyrex glass measuring cup or bowl with a lip, slowly pour the batter into each well of the prepared pan until 2/3 full. (Unless you have multiple cream canoe pans, you will be baking these in batches. Be sure to give the batter a light mix in between batches to redistribute sprinkles that have sunk to the bottom.) Bake for 10-12 minutes, until tester comes out clean and cakes spring back when touched.

Let cool in the pan for 5 minutes then quickly invert the pan over a cooling rack. The cakes should easily come out of the pan. If they don’t, tap the edge of the pan lightly on the cooling rack. Let cakes cool completely before filling.

Once cakes have cooled, use a skewer to make three evenly spaced holes in the bottom of the cakes, gently swirling the skewer around inside the cake to make a little room for the filling. (I have made these without making the holes, and it works fine. You just won’t get quite as much filling in the cake.) Place filling in a pastry bag fitted with a small round tip. Squeeze filling into each hole in the cake until you feel the cake expand just slightly.

Cakes will keep in an airtight container for a few days. I individually wrapped mine in plastic wrap.

_______________________________________________________

:: MARSHMALLOW FLUFF ::
makes about 3 cups

150 g (3/4 cup) granulated sugar
1/2 cup light corn syrup
1/4 cup water
pinch salt
2 egg whites, at room temperature
1/4 tsp. cream of tartar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla bean paste or 1/2 vanilla bean, scraped

Place sugar, corn syrup, water, and salt in a small saucepan and whisk to combine. Place pan over medium-high heat and cook, stirring occasionally, until the mixture reaches 240 degrees F.

While the sugar syrup is heating, place egg whites and cream of tartar in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment. When the syrup is getting close to 240, turn the mixer to medium-high speed (6 on a KitchenAid) and whip the egg whites to soft peaks. Turn mixer off until syrup is ready.

As soon as the sugar syrup reaches 240, remove from the heat. With the mixer on low (2 on a KitchenAid), slowly pour the syrup down the inside of the mixing bowl. Once all of the syrup has been added, increase the mixer speed to medium-high and whip until the mixture forms stiff, shiny peaks and the outside of the mixing bowl feels neutral in temperature, 5-8 minutes. Mix in the vanilla bean paste or seeds until incorporated. Marshmallow fluff will keep stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for a little over a week.

Yellow Period Food

Yellow Cake Fudge Squares

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup yellow cake mix
  • 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/2 stick (1/4 cup) butter or margarine, cut into small squares
  • 1/4 cup milk or 1/8 cup soy milk
  • sprinkles (optional)

Instructions:

Mix cake mix and icing sugar in microwave-safe bowl. Add butter and milk. Don’t stir.

Microwave for 2 minutes. Stir immediately until completely combined. Add sprinkles. Do not overmix as sprinkle colour may bleed.

Spread into greased pan. Refrigerate for at least one hour.

* Makes one 6 x 6” container, or double for an 8 x 8” pan.
** Notes: If the batter comes out too runny, stir in about 1 tsp or sugar or cake mix at a time until stiff. If too thick to stir in all components, slowly add 1/2 tsp of milk at a time, but batter should be thick!

I lived relatively close to the World Trade Center in September of 2001. Truly, I thought a small propeller plane accidentally hit that day. I thought to myself, “well now, that will be a daunting scaffolding scenario.”

My three roommates and I watched this horror from the rooftop of our loft. Our building was only two stories so we could hear the people on the street talking their theories of terrorism.

It wasn’t until the second plane happened that I realized this would probably be, historically, the biggest event of my life. I knew everything on my timeline would forever be filed “before” or “after” this day.

This is how I became the asshole with the camera.

My photos will tell this story:

As I said, we observed tragedy from the roof. When the first tower collapsed we collectively shit ourselves and then went back into the apartment we called “fishbowl” (because of its panoramic windows). We could see nothing but a wall of white tornado and zillions of flecks of corporate docs spinning wildly within. There was no way of knowing if we were in the AM or the PM.

We decided to leave, quickly.

We entered the wall of white that was somehow dark. To open our mouths meant to eat the weird whiteness, so we stayed silent until we heard more rumbling and dared to look back downtown. That’s when number two fell.

I walked to Central Park that day. I shed roommates and tears as I walked and gagged and listened to radio broadcasts coming from parked cars along the way. I cried and vomited some more in the park and when it started getting dark I checked into the hotel where I worked.

I stayed there for several weeks. What a wonderful place to work. (The W Hotel. Thank you, Sheraton shareholder and upper management types.)

My slampiece at the time worked in the World Financial Center. A week after the attacks he was escorted into his office to retrieve his laptop. I went with him and was allowed in somehow because the address on my New York ID put me in the zip code.

I took some of these photos from his office at the WFC and the rest of them are just general aftermath. I couldn’t get into my apartment for six weeks. We lived in a demilitarized zone which was the shits. But we partied with firemen from all over the country and you really can’t go wrong doing that.

That experience did more than open my legs to firefighters. It opened my eyes, too. People live in countries where this shit happens weekly.

So don’t bitch about your frizzy hair and gluten allergy.

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